"Your shirts too low."

My boyfriend raises his eyebrows at me, “That shirt is pretty low,” he says.

It was my shimmery gold shirt,

The one filled with little red triangles and intricate designs,

one of my favorites.

My boyfriend had commented on my shirt being "too low,"

or my pants being "too tight," before.

I laughed the first time he did it,

My mom did too when I told her the story.

“He’s so sweet and protective of you, honey,” she said.

I smiled back up at her, my mom the feminist.

It felt a bit ironic.

My mom, the feminist who thinks it’s cute that my boyfriend comments on my clothing when he isn’t in approval of it

He has the right to tell me if my shirt is too low because he is just being protective.

Protective of what?

Protective of other guys looking at my chest? Because that’s what my body is right? Something to be looked at.

An object that needs to be covered up in order to be taken care of. An object that’s only purpose is too be looked at.

So why for any reason would I wear a shirt that is a little lower than usual other than to objectify myself?

Maybe…

I just like the shirt.

I know my boyfriend was just being protective,

But why aren’t I protective of him in this way?

Maybe because masculinity, means me not questioning what guys wear.

But for girls, it seems to be the opposite.

Femininity is ironic,

it is sexy but innocent.

It is vulnerable.

And it must be protected.

And society has given men the job of protecting women’s bodies.

It’s not just my boyfriend who has commented on my clothing, my guy friends have too, and I see it happen to my other girl friends as well.

But what guys don’t realize

Is that their ‘protection’ of our bodies,

Takes away our right to them.

It takes away my right to wear whatever shirt I want.

Maybe because I feel beautiful it in.

Maybe because I feel strong in it.

Or maybe, I just really like its gold shimmery pattern that is filled with little red triangles. 

I am learning to be strong in my own body. To remember that it is my body and no one else's. I have the power to do whatever I want with my body and no one else can have that power over me. I am learning to love my body and respect my body. My body is what I see the world through and through which I interact with the world. 

If you are ever feeling like you are not in control of your body or struggling with valuing it, you can call Teen Link to talk it out. Just like you can call us for any other reason. We are an anonymous phone line for teens and answered by teens. The people on the line are there to listen—no matter how big or small the issue. Teen Link’s number is 1 (866) 833 – 6546. The line is open every night from 6 – 10 P.M. If you prefer to chat, visit www.866teenlink.org. Chat is available all week. 

And always remember, you are beautiful.

Living on The Steets

“Now everyday that I walk out of my building I see homeless people sleeping and chillin’ on the steps to the apartment that I live in…We’ve come to accept the homeless as a part of our landscape. The money the government wastes could provide them with a space place to eat and sleep. But we cease to see that our own country is based around war, power and greed. We’ve got families on the street with nowhere to go, and the concrete’s the only place they have to call home.” - City Don’t Sleep, Macklemore.

With weather like todays, it worries me that there are 500-2,000 homeless youth in Seattle on any given night. It’s a terrifying reality that many youth in Seattle and King County face. In fact, there are more than 1.5 million children and young adults trying to survive on the streets of the U.S. today. More often than not, they did not choose to become homeless, but were forced to leave their living situation for a number of reasons. Understanding homelessness is hard; it’s a complex issue that occurs in every socio-economic and racial group in America. For some reason, there is a misconception that homeless youth are homeless by their choice, which results in a stigma against the population. However, many homeless youth leave their homes because of a combination of abuse, family problems, or other circumstances that lead them to feel unsafe at home.

"Now every face tells a different story, a different message. Now how can we judge the book when we don't know the beginning. We don't know what turned 'em to the bottle , or started injectin', we just see dirty clothes and another bum beggin'…We don't want to face it…Now think about your home, and the place that you sleep. And the homeless, who only have the concrete."

As a person who has never experienced homelessness, I can’t tell you what it is truly like, but I can speak on my growth as I learned to interact with folks who are experiencing homelessness. The homeless newspaper "Real Change" is sold outside of my work. I see people become uncomfortable when they encounter a homeless person. I see people shut down. They avoid eye contact and rarely offer any response to the vendor’s friendliness. As someone who interacts with the vendor on a daily basis I have learned the impact of a simple smile. That is how it started for me, by simply offering a smile and a “hello” as I walked in to work. Conversations soon followed, and I could notice myself becoming much more comfortable with their company. Now when I see others’ discomfort, I realize how common these feelings truly are. Personally, I believe that my connection to someone who was homeless has given me a greater insight and confidence when confronted with the issue of homelessness.

"Now if you wanna see change, then throw your ones in the air. You think the system that we're livin' is not fair? You wanna see change, then put your ones in the air. Now point it to the ground, 'cause change starts right there… Now point 'em to yourself, 'cause change starts right there"

If you are looking for more information about youth homelessness, local shelters or drop-in centers, etc. the phone worker will be able to answer your questions and provide information. Here are some examples of youth shelters in the greater Seattle area, and their websites.

•  Youthcare: www.youthcare.org

• ROOTS young adult shelter (18-25 years old): www.rootsinfo.org

• Friends of Youth: www.friendsofyouth.org

If you would like to talk to someone about anything, big or small, Teen Link is available to you. We're completely anonymous and confidential, and the line is answered by trained teens in King County. Our phone number is 1(866)833-6546. You can call Teen Link every night (6-10pm) and have chat available through our website (www.866teenlink.org) on Mondays, Tuesdays and Thursdays.

Is your relationship healthy? Here are some ways and questions to help you figure it out.

Check Out Your Relationships

This is a great way to look at your relationships and determine if they are healthy or not. Everyone has rights in relationships and sometimes, when we are worried about losing people or unsure where we stand with the other person/people, we forget that these rights exist. Take a minute to think about your own relationships and see whether you feel like you have the rights you deserve. 

The following article is from Project Survive, which was created at the City College of San Fransisco.
If you want more information visit their website at:  https://www.ccsf.edu/NEW/en/educational-programs/school-and-departments/school-of-behavioral-and-social-sciences/womens-studies/project-survive/right_questions.html.

 

Expect Respect

In any kind of relationship, whether it’s with family, friends, teachers, boyfriend, girlfriend, or partner you should expect respect. Depending on the particular ties between you and the other person, you may have different boundaries. For example, you’ll probably be closer with your mom than with your teacher. Your connection to your little brother will be different than your bond with the person you’re dating or talking to. No matter what kind of relationship it is, you can expect respect and other basic rights also.
Your Rights in a Healthy Relationship
HONESTY- 

The right to not be lied to

TRUST- 

The right to feel you can trust the other person

SAFETY- 

The right to feel safe

PROTECTION-

The right to protect your body

FLEXIBILITY- 

The right to change your mind at any time

CHOICE- 

The right to say NO!

NON-ABUSE AND NON-VIOLENCE-  

The right not to be hurt in any way

Ask these questions about your dating relationship:

    •    Do you feel free to be yourselves around each other?

    •    Do you accept each other’s differences and respect each other’s opinions?

    •    Do you have equal decision-making power?

    •    Are you both willing to compromise sometimes?

    •    Do you each feel appreciated and liked?

    •    Do you solve conflicts without putting each other down?

    •    Do you both accept responsibilities for your actions?

    •    Do you make sure there is no physical or sexual abuse in your relationship?

    •    Do you talk about sex if you’re having it and never feel pressured to have it?

    •    Do you give each other space?

    •    Do you have some privacy (letters; e-mails; journals)?

    •    Do you each control your own money?

    •    Do you not have to worry about jealousy or fear because you both feel secure?

    •    Do you support each other’s individual goals in life, like getting a job or going to  college?

    •    Do you always treat each other with respect?

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If you are worried about a relationship you are in or a relationship that your friend is having and want to talk to someone about this, Teen Link is a great resource. It is anonymous, confidential and non-judgmental. Everyone answering the phone or the online chat is also a teenager, which is nice. It is open every night from 6-10pm. The number is 1-866-833-6546 or 866TeenLink. If you want to learn more about it or want to chat the website is www.866teenlink.org.