Is your relationship healthy? Here are some ways and questions to help you figure it out.

Check Out Your Relationships

This is a great way to look at your relationships and determine if they are healthy or not. Everyone has rights in relationships and sometimes, when we are worried about losing people or unsure where we stand with the other person/people, we forget that these rights exist. Take a minute to think about your own relationships and see whether you feel like you have the rights you deserve. 

The following article is from Project Survive, which was created at the City College of San Fransisco.
If you want more information visit their website at:  https://www.ccsf.edu/NEW/en/educational-programs/school-and-departments/school-of-behavioral-and-social-sciences/womens-studies/project-survive/right_questions.html.

 

Expect Respect

In any kind of relationship, whether it’s with family, friends, teachers, boyfriend, girlfriend, or partner you should expect respect. Depending on the particular ties between you and the other person, you may have different boundaries. For example, you’ll probably be closer with your mom than with your teacher. Your connection to your little brother will be different than your bond with the person you’re dating or talking to. No matter what kind of relationship it is, you can expect respect and other basic rights also.
Your Rights in a Healthy Relationship
HONESTY- 

The right to not be lied to

TRUST- 

The right to feel you can trust the other person

SAFETY- 

The right to feel safe

PROTECTION-

The right to protect your body

FLEXIBILITY- 

The right to change your mind at any time

CHOICE- 

The right to say NO!

NON-ABUSE AND NON-VIOLENCE-  

The right not to be hurt in any way

Ask these questions about your dating relationship:

    •    Do you feel free to be yourselves around each other?

    •    Do you accept each other’s differences and respect each other’s opinions?

    •    Do you have equal decision-making power?

    •    Are you both willing to compromise sometimes?

    •    Do you each feel appreciated and liked?

    •    Do you solve conflicts without putting each other down?

    •    Do you both accept responsibilities for your actions?

    •    Do you make sure there is no physical or sexual abuse in your relationship?

    •    Do you talk about sex if you’re having it and never feel pressured to have it?

    •    Do you give each other space?

    •    Do you have some privacy (letters; e-mails; journals)?

    •    Do you each control your own money?

    •    Do you not have to worry about jealousy or fear because you both feel secure?

    •    Do you support each other’s individual goals in life, like getting a job or going to  college?

    •    Do you always treat each other with respect?

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If you are worried about a relationship you are in or a relationship that your friend is having and want to talk to someone about this, Teen Link is a great resource. It is anonymous, confidential and non-judgmental. Everyone answering the phone or the online chat is also a teenager, which is nice. It is open every night from 6-10pm. The number is 1-866-833-6546 or 866TeenLink. If you want to learn more about it or want to chat the website is www.866teenlink.org.

Teen and Pregnant- an Epidemic?

 So let's talk once again about everyone's favorite subject.....No, not Twilight....everyone's OTHER favorite subject: SEX! More specifically, what happens when birth control goes wrong?! That goes to say, birth control IS being used...right? Because if it isn't, read on! 

   

     

I've been watching MTV, in the middle of homework breaks (you know how that goes!), and have been very intrigued with the shows like "16 and Pregnant" and "Teen Mom." These shows, if you haven't been keeping up to date with what MTV deems as "cool" to put shows on the air, follow the lives of girls who are teen moms or are about to become moms. 

The shows cover how the girls deal with the news, their personal lives, education, family, friends, and the stresses of having to deal with the consequences of their actions. 

I was thinking to myself while watching:

• What do people think of these shows? 
• Are they advocating safe sex? Or perhaps glamorizing young pregnancy? 

A psychologist, Dr. Drew, appears on these shows to counsel these girls and at the same time promote safe sex. 

• Do you think the message is getting the point across by showing real life examples of the consequences of not using any form or birth control? 
• Do you think by putting so much emphasis on the lives of these girls that it really deters people from making bad choices?  

Sarah Palin's daugher was a prime example of teen pregnancy and now she is in the media promoting abstinence. She was interviewed (Watch it Here) and spoke about how she wants other to learn from her mistakes. The article says, "Palin Promoting Abstinence in New Campaign, 'Regardless of What I Did Personally.'"

My question for all these girls sharing the stories of their lives is do you think it will be really heard? People are saying how can someone like Bristol Palin who is a teen mom really promote abstinence when she, herself, did not follow her own advice? What do you all think? 

Since she has experienced the consequences do you think it now makes her a good role model and a warning all at the same time? 

I hope either the shows, or role models will have an effect on the teen pregnancy rates because they have gone up in both of the last two years. 

I guess TV is actually reflecting real lives for once, for the worse maybe? or for a chance to learn? You decide...

Teen Link

...like Cats and Dogs!

When parents and teens get into fights it is normally about things they do not see eye to eye on. Whether it is about if you can go out, wear a certain outfit, or miss school because you did not finish all of your homework, there always seems to be an argument. Think about all of the fights you have gotten in with your parents and read this survey.

Thousands of parents and teens took a survey and now it is your time to guess the right answers:

What percentage of Parents and Teens agree on these issues?

Clothing: 16%, 21%, 43%, 65%, 78%

Sex: 24%, 46%, 55%, 70%, 100%

Religion: 3%, 15%, 30%, 59%, 74%

Friends: 10%, 33%, 55%, 66%, 74%

Politics: 5%, 23%, 48%, 59%, 78%

Work: 13%, 35%, 58%, 67%, 80%

Education: 25%, 48%, 60%, 72%, 81%

Drugs: 24%, 46%, 59%, 68%, 83%

What do you think? 

The results may surprise you:

Clothing: 65%


Sex: 70%


Religion: 74%


Friends: 74%


  Politics: 78%       Work: 80%


  Education: 81%   Drugs: 83%

All of the results are the first or second highest percentage. Now, this does not mean your parents and you agree on all of these things, but it shows you that you and your parents may not be so different. There will always be fights and disagreements, but maybe you both agree in some way with each other. Anyways, think about this survey and share it with others. You learn something new everyday!

Here's an article addressing WHY you may be fighting with your parents.

Some additional links with tips on how to talk to your parents:

General Tips on talking to parents and adults

How to have a Talk about the Tough Stuff

Tips to consider when you're already fighting about things

Talking to Parents about Sex

If you begin to feel like things will never get resolved - that you and your parents just cannot work through your differences - consider mediation as an option. A neutral third party might be able to help you both to understand each other and find some middle ground. This can be an adult you both trust like a neighbor or a teacher. If you can't agree on who that person is, there are family counselors who can provide that role and in some areas, mediation programs that can provide BOTH adult AND youth mediators to create a safe and even handed approach to finding a resolution. Call Teen Link (866-833-6546) to see what can help you best in your situation

Thanks,

Teen Link :)

The Birds and Bees for '09

Teen Link receives questions regarding teens and sex ALL the time. Lots of "What if...?" questions, "What does it mean if...?" questions and "Is it normal...?" questions. And of course it makes sense that you would have a ton of questions - sex is EVERYWHERE these days. Between explicit images on TV and everything that seems to be on the internet, kids are becoming young adults faster and sooner than ever before. Add raging hormones to the mix and it makes perfect sense that teens want to know how all this "sex" stuff works.

But are the questions being asked? And if so, are they getting answered? About.com's webpage Teen Advice says, "...it scares us how much some sexually active teens DON’T know about sex, pregnancy and STDs. Silly or not some of these questions get asked so often that it makes us believe they are sincere."

Questions like:

• Can i get pregnant the first time i have sex?
• If a guy is a virgin can he get me pregnant?
• Can a girl get pregnant from oral sex?
• Are two condoms better protection from STD's?

Some of these questions being asked online are due to the fact that many parents don't have the first clue of how to have "the talk" with their kids (nothing against parents - kids don't come with an instructional manual after all). "Sometimes parents are fearful about saying too much too soon (although there's no evidence that this should be a concern). Some parents feel they don't know enough to be a reliable source of accurate information.

But when teens don't get the full picture from their parents (or even worse, NO picture at all), they'll seek the answers elsewhere - typically from their friends, who are in the same boat as they are.

Sex-ed Programs in schools can provide a lot of really helpful information (like clearing up the questions above - although there is still a great deal of controversy around what's okay to teach and what's not) but other questions like "How to know when you're ready for sex?" and "How to talk to your partner about sex?" tend to go unanswered, and yes or no answers and statistics aren't enough to help teens make responsible decisions that work for them.

SO, if you, your partner, or your friends have questions about sex in general or about sex in regards to your relationship, please give Teen Link (anonymous, confidential and non-judgmental: 1-866-833-6546) a call. But, if talking to someone is still intimidating or awkward for you, here are some really great sites that have real answers for today' questions:

http://www.scarleteen.com/

Been around for 10+ years, dealing with sex, sexuality, and pretty much everything in between

http://www.sexetc.org/
Sex education for teens, by teens - on a large variety of issues beyond just STDs

http://www.plannedparenthood.org/teen-talk/
Facts on dating, pregnancy, STDs and getting tested