Is your relationship healthy? Here are some ways and questions to help you figure it out.

Check Out Your Relationships

This is a great way to look at your relationships and determine if they are healthy or not. Everyone has rights in relationships and sometimes, when we are worried about losing people or unsure where we stand with the other person/people, we forget that these rights exist. Take a minute to think about your own relationships and see whether you feel like you have the rights you deserve. 

The following article is from Project Survive, which was created at the City College of San Fransisco.
If you want more information visit their website at:  https://www.ccsf.edu/NEW/en/educational-programs/school-and-departments/school-of-behavioral-and-social-sciences/womens-studies/project-survive/right_questions.html.

 

Expect Respect

In any kind of relationship, whether it’s with family, friends, teachers, boyfriend, girlfriend, or partner you should expect respect. Depending on the particular ties between you and the other person, you may have different boundaries. For example, you’ll probably be closer with your mom than with your teacher. Your connection to your little brother will be different than your bond with the person you’re dating or talking to. No matter what kind of relationship it is, you can expect respect and other basic rights also.
Your Rights in a Healthy Relationship
HONESTY- 

The right to not be lied to

TRUST- 

The right to feel you can trust the other person

SAFETY- 

The right to feel safe

PROTECTION-

The right to protect your body

FLEXIBILITY- 

The right to change your mind at any time

CHOICE- 

The right to say NO!

NON-ABUSE AND NON-VIOLENCE-  

The right not to be hurt in any way

Ask these questions about your dating relationship:

    •    Do you feel free to be yourselves around each other?

    •    Do you accept each other’s differences and respect each other’s opinions?

    •    Do you have equal decision-making power?

    •    Are you both willing to compromise sometimes?

    •    Do you each feel appreciated and liked?

    •    Do you solve conflicts without putting each other down?

    •    Do you both accept responsibilities for your actions?

    •    Do you make sure there is no physical or sexual abuse in your relationship?

    •    Do you talk about sex if you’re having it and never feel pressured to have it?

    •    Do you give each other space?

    •    Do you have some privacy (letters; e-mails; journals)?

    •    Do you each control your own money?

    •    Do you not have to worry about jealousy or fear because you both feel secure?

    •    Do you support each other’s individual goals in life, like getting a job or going to  college?

    •    Do you always treat each other with respect?

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If you are worried about a relationship you are in or a relationship that your friend is having and want to talk to someone about this, Teen Link is a great resource. It is anonymous, confidential and non-judgmental. Everyone answering the phone or the online chat is also a teenager, which is nice. It is open every night from 6-10pm. The number is 1-866-833-6546 or 866TeenLink. If you want to learn more about it or want to chat the website is www.866teenlink.org.

Relationships...

"What one relationship do you want to work on this semester, and what concrete steps will you take to do so?"

This is the only question on my psychology homework.  I have no clue how to answer; I hope by writing this out I can help myself figure it out, and maybe somebody else too.

The first part is really not that hard.  I just need to look at my life and find relationships that I wish were better.  I could say my parents, my brother, a friend, or even that girl I've been wanting to ask out for the past month.  I'm sure we all look around, and see relationships that are sub-par.

However, my trouble comes with the second part: "What steps will you take to [work on it]?"
I look at all these relationships and see factors that are out of my control, or faults of other people.  I am having a hard time finding just one relationship where I am at fault for the problems.

I feel like I do my best to be a good son to my parents, and show support for what I do, but I just wish they would pull back a bit, and let me be my own person (I mean, I am 18 now).  What can I do to improve my relationship with my parents?  I don't really know.

I have not been getting along with my brother as well recently, but the only problem I can see is him pulling away and being less agreeable.

(I could repeat this for every relationship in my life, but I think I'll save you the reading for now.)

I think this illustrates an important part of who many people are: we are quick to find fault in others, but cannot find fault in ourselves.  I could say "I want to improve my relationship with my best friend," but I can't figure out what explicit steps I can take to do so.

I guess to wrap things up for now, I have not really solved anything.  I mostly just ranted at the screen for the past 350 words.  If this actually gets published, or if I come back with a solution later, I hope it is helpful to at least one reader in the future.

~Anonymous Teen