"Your shirts too low."

My boyfriend raises his eyebrows at me, “That shirt is pretty low,” he says.

It was my shimmery gold shirt,

The one filled with little red triangles and intricate designs,

one of my favorites.

My boyfriend had commented on my shirt being "too low,"

or my pants being "too tight," before.

I laughed the first time he did it,

My mom did too when I told her the story.

“He’s so sweet and protective of you, honey,” she said.

I smiled back up at her, my mom the feminist.

It felt a bit ironic.

My mom, the feminist who thinks it’s cute that my boyfriend comments on my clothing when he isn’t in approval of it

He has the right to tell me if my shirt is too low because he is just being protective.

Protective of what?

Protective of other guys looking at my chest? Because that’s what my body is right? Something to be looked at.

An object that needs to be covered up in order to be taken care of. An object that’s only purpose is too be looked at.

So why for any reason would I wear a shirt that is a little lower than usual other than to objectify myself?

Maybe…

I just like the shirt.

I know my boyfriend was just being protective,

But why aren’t I protective of him in this way?

Maybe because masculinity, means me not questioning what guys wear.

But for girls, it seems to be the opposite.

Femininity is ironic,

it is sexy but innocent.

It is vulnerable.

And it must be protected.

And society has given men the job of protecting women’s bodies.

It’s not just my boyfriend who has commented on my clothing, my guy friends have too, and I see it happen to my other girl friends as well.

But what guys don’t realize

Is that their ‘protection’ of our bodies,

Takes away our right to them.

It takes away my right to wear whatever shirt I want.

Maybe because I feel beautiful it in.

Maybe because I feel strong in it.

Or maybe, I just really like its gold shimmery pattern that is filled with little red triangles. 

I am learning to be strong in my own body. To remember that it is my body and no one else's. I have the power to do whatever I want with my body and no one else can have that power over me. I am learning to love my body and respect my body. My body is what I see the world through and through which I interact with the world. 

If you are ever feeling like you are not in control of your body or struggling with valuing it, you can call Teen Link to talk it out. Just like you can call us for any other reason. We are an anonymous phone line for teens and answered by teens. The people on the line are there to listen—no matter how big or small the issue. Teen Link’s number is 1 (866) 833 – 6546. The line is open every night from 6 – 10 P.M. If you prefer to chat, visit www.866teenlink.org. Chat is available all week. 

And always remember, you are beautiful.

How To Fall In Love With Yourself: The Me Challenge

“Your task is not to seek for Love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” -Rumi

“You are fat”.

Three words that came out of nowhere. Three words that were said without an after-thought. Three words that had irreparable consequences on me.

From that day, I was haunted by those three words as they represented my biggest insecurity: my body.

Whenever I slipped on a pair of jeans I wondered if they made my bum look bigger. Whenever I slipped on a skirt I would always tug it down to cover my jiggly thighs.

“You are fat”.

Three words that made me love winter because summer meant shorts, dresses and bikinis.

Clothes that didn’t really work on my body.

Or at least that was what I thought until I learnt how to love the rolls of fat around my sides, how to love my legs, how to love my body and in essence how to love myself.

I know it sounds cheesy. Trust me, I have read all those blogs and magazines. I have heard all those inspirational speeches. I have scrolled through endless Tumblr and Instagram pages filled with motivational quotes. And I have thought to myself how useless they were because at the end of the day I was still “fat”.

But then I tried to follow some steps, to really learn to embrace myself, to let go of those petty criticisms and suddenly “you are fat” became meaningless to me. All the power those words held over me was suddenly lost and they returned to simply being three, small words.

So here is some advice that worked for me. That will work whether you are worried about your race, religion, sexual orientation, the acne on your face, your shyness (or in fact just about anything that can make you hate yourself).

1.    Don’t try to be Perfect

Perfection is an illusion and is unattainable. While you should always do your best, even if it is not “perfect” do not consider what you do a failure. As warm and fuzzy (and cliché) as it sounds perfection is just the way you are and the way you do things.

2.    Don’t compare yourself to others

Nothing good comes from comparing yourself to others. In fact studies show that through comparison, your self-esteem is lowered and therefore emotions like depression, envy and jealousy are more likely to develop. Instead of comparing yourself focus on your own strengths and realize that you are in fact awesome.

3.    Say “NO!”

If someone wants to do something you do not feel like doing: say no! You do not always need to agree with what other people want to do or ask you do to. Your friends will not hate you if you say “no” and if they do then that means they were not really your “true” friends. Do what you want to do- what you feel comfortable in doing. If you feel like you are doing something just to please someone, then you should not be doing it.

4.    Treat yourself like you treat others

The kindness, trust, love and appreciation you show toward your best friends and family should be the same kindness, trust, love and appreciation you show towards yourself. According to research presented in The New York Times, people who treat themselves like they treat others score higher on self-compassion tests in comparison to people who do not. This suggests that accepting our imperfections can be the first step to better health.

5.    Look at yourself in the mirror

This may sound silly to you but try to look at yourself in the mirror every day and admire yourself. Compliment yourself on how you look and give yourself time to take in all of you instead of always trying to hide who you are. By doing this you prevent the image created by others to manifest you. If you believe in yourself, the person in the mirror will believe in himself or herself.

Learning to love yourself is similar to learning to walk. We start by taking a couple of small steps and then we fall back down to the ground. But then we get back up because that moment when we were standing on our own two feet felt so incredible that you would be crazy not to want to experience it again. Once we get back up we learn to know ourselves and know our limits. When we finally learn to run, walking seems so easy. We realize that no greater power can be found than the power that we find in ourselves through loving, listening and respecting who we are.   

On the road of self-love we can encounter many bumps. In these moments

a friendly face or voice can always come in handy. Talk it out with someone you care about and who cares about you.

And remember organizations like Teen Link (866-833-6546) are always ready to lend a friendly ear.

So I challenge you to start showing some love to yourself and to realize that you are a very special human being. 

Singin' the Winter Blues

It was the week of finals, and I could find no place to study. The library was packed solid; the coffee shops were noisy and distracting. My room was no longer an option – I just could not focus on studying when my desk was a mess, but I had no time to clean because I had finals to cram for. In the scheme of life’s problems, this was not life or death.

But, in that moment, it was enough to unhinge me a bit.  Or at least put me on edge.  Fortunately, I was able to find a quiet and dimly lit place to study (I have weird study preferences) and thankfully managed to keep my anxiety and restlessness under control.

This month is Health and Wellness Month, which makes it a fitting time to talk about challenges young people face when at college. At this point you may want to ask, “But Nina, what do health and wellness even mean?” Good Question! According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, health is defined as “ the condition of being sound in body, mind, or soul; freedom from physical disease or pain.” Wellness is defined as “the quality or state of being in good health.” Our bodies, our thoughts and our emotions all influence each other greatly. There is never one without the other. Even in their definitions, they relate.

The logical question to follow, then, is what are the biggest hazards to health and wellness in college.

Healthline News addressed this issue with an article titled “5 Biggest Dangers Facing College Freshmen” which you can access here. According to this article the most significant obstacles to wellbeing among college students: stress, prescription drug use, STDs, Alcohol-Related Injuries, and Poor Nutrition and Lack of Exercise. Who knew we had so many issues! I feel like the stress and poor nutrition/exercise thing is something that I can definitely see.

According to “5 Biggest Dangers Facing College Freshmen,” 80% of college freshmen do not exercise regularly. Of course, there is the “freshman 15” phenomena. There have even been a few cases of scurvy, the disease caused by a vitamin C deficient diet that used to afflict sailors and pirates. It is of utmost importance for people to develop good eating and lifestyle habits in college – not only to maintain good sleep habits and grades, but for our physical and emotional well-being here and now.

In many ways, I have felt the stresses of college life first hand. Before freshmen year, I moved from sunny and arid Arizona to Seattle. You can probably image how much of an adjustment that has been for me! A new climate, a new political atmosphere, and many, many people I had never met before. And I absolutely love it! However, with the academic rigor of pursuing a nursing degree, and my personal tendency to take on more than I can handle- I can definitely empathize with the stress that plagues so many college students.

            As easy as it is to get in a rut and feel overwhelmed, I have found in my life that it sometimes the smallest steps taken that help to pull me out. Lately, that has looked like me going into one on of my friend’s dorm rooms and lying on the comfy rug she has on the ground. Not saying anything. Not doing anything. But the thing is, it actually helps! For you, it probably looks different: music, enjoying the great outdoors, even filing papers at work – it can all make a difference.

There are times when these little tricks to deal with stress don’t work, when life builds up and collides and it seems too much. It is OKAY to ask for help. It does not have to be anything large or life changing. I have gone through this many times, and have had good people come alongside me and help support me. You can as well. These small steps may not save lives, not immediately. However, they help us live each minute, each day.

If you feel like you might need someone to talk to about the little or the big things, Teen Link is a convenient and ready resource for you. Teen Link’s number is 1866-833-6546. The cool thing about Teen Link is that it is answered by high schoolers and college students so you get to talk to someone who knows what it is like to go through all of this stuff.