How to break from the cycle

Have you ever wondered about your relationship... wondering if it was actually good for you or whether it felt unhealthy? Have you ever been scared or felt pressured to do things you didn't want to do by the person you are in a relationship with? Have you been hurt verbally, physically, or even sexually by a person who is supposed to care about you?

If you have ever asked yourself any of these questions and are wondering if your relationship is unhealthy, it is also important to figure out whether or not it is abusive. Not all unhealthy relationships are abusive, an example of an unhealthy relationship is if one partner is cheating or if there is a lack of trust and communication. Sometimes when one is in an unhealthy relationship you have to decided if you and your partner can fix the problems or if it would be better for the two of you to not be together. With an abusive relationship its a little more complicated.

Once you have concluded you are in an abusive relationship there are some important steps to take:

1. Be able to name the abuse, if its physical, emotional, and/or sexual,
It is true that people can experience sexual abuse in a relationship. If you don't want to have sex or want to do anything sexual at the time, your partner should respect that and not force you to do what they want. If you say no or communicate that you do not want to do something, that means no.

2. You must ask yourself what would happen if you left the relationship?
Make sure you have a safety plan, because often times abuse can escalate or get even more scary when people try to leave. 

3. Get support!
It can be challenging, especially since a lot of people feel isolated and some even feel to embarrassed to talk to anyone about it. But its important to seek support and is one of the best forms of self care and protection you can get for yourself. You deserve to have support and to feel safe.

4. Know your rights! In Washington state you can petition for an Order for Protection at the age of 16, if you are under the age of 16 you must have a parent/ family member petition for the Order for Protection.

There is also a list of what rights you have in other states just check out  https://www.breakthecycle.org/state-law-report-cards

If you are in an abusive relationship or are worried one of your friends might be in an abusive relationship and want to talk to someone about this, Teen Link is a great resource. It is anonymous, confidential and non-judgmental. Everyone answering the phone or the online chat is also a teenager, which is nice. It is open every night from 6-10pm. The number is 1-866-833-6546 or 866TeenLink. If you want to learn more about it or want to chat, the website is www.866teenlink.org.

Relationships...

"What one relationship do you want to work on this semester, and what concrete steps will you take to do so?"

This is the only question on my psychology homework.  I have no clue how to answer; I hope by writing this out I can help myself figure it out, and maybe somebody else too.

The first part is really not that hard.  I just need to look at my life and find relationships that I wish were better.  I could say my parents, my brother, a friend, or even that girl I've been wanting to ask out for the past month.  I'm sure we all look around, and see relationships that are sub-par.

However, my trouble comes with the second part: "What steps will you take to [work on it]?"
I look at all these relationships and see factors that are out of my control, or faults of other people.  I am having a hard time finding just one relationship where I am at fault for the problems.

I feel like I do my best to be a good son to my parents, and show support for what I do, but I just wish they would pull back a bit, and let me be my own person (I mean, I am 18 now).  What can I do to improve my relationship with my parents?  I don't really know.

I have not been getting along with my brother as well recently, but the only problem I can see is him pulling away and being less agreeable.

(I could repeat this for every relationship in my life, but I think I'll save you the reading for now.)

I think this illustrates an important part of who many people are: we are quick to find fault in others, but cannot find fault in ourselves.  I could say "I want to improve my relationship with my best friend," but I can't figure out what explicit steps I can take to do so.

I guess to wrap things up for now, I have not really solved anything.  I mostly just ranted at the screen for the past 350 words.  If this actually gets published, or if I come back with a solution later, I hope it is helpful to at least one reader in the future.

~Anonymous Teen