When I was at my end a few months ago, I had nowhere to turn. I felt alone and afraid. I did not want to die, but I did not see any other options either.
Finding out that the guy I was with was also with one of my close family members was too much; I already have trust and physical contact issues.About ten Advil into trying to kill myself, I took a moment to think- to breathe. I am a person. I have weaknesses, but I have just as many strength.
I stopped taking the pills then. I thought it through. In this new-found clarity, I decided I needed help. I have always been self-sufficient and I sought out help on my own. I tracked down a free/low cost counselor and began seeing him twice a week. I started out uneasy, getting to a place where you are comfortable to divulge the secrets you would not tell your best friend is difficult for anybody.
Luckily, the counselor had no problem getting me to talk, nor in making me feel comfortable. The office had toys, games, candy, and a chair where the counselor sat with a patient smile and kind, waiting eyes. I gave my secrets in return for validation that I wasn't crazy, that I had reason to be upset, and that I had made the right decision in staying alive. I was fitted with an armory of ways to communicate better, relieve stress, and handle difficult situations.
Counseling was never something I wanted to do, but it helped me. And I know it has helped many other people in my life. I recommend it. Try it before you do anything else. There are always good days and bad days, but I know where I am going and I know where I have been. I am not apt to repeat a suicide attempt. Counseling helped me find clarity and relief. Suicide seemed like the only answer I had at the time, but now I know I'm not alone. It is okay to seek out help. Don't just try to suffer through it alone. It doesn't make you stronger. If anything it makes you more susceptible to depression, helplessness, and isolation. A counselor is a great asset; a person on your side, for you, helping you.
In my search for a counselor, I found out that there are many resources available in the King County area, including free and sliding-cost counseling services. The easiest way to find these is to call into Teen Link, as we have a huge database of resources that can be catered to when you can schedule a visit, how much you can pay, and where you live.
Anonymous, confidential phone and chat line for teens to talk to teens
Open 365 days/year, 6-10 PM
1-866-833-6546 (Teen Link)