I’ve seen more than enough people being shamed and discriminated against by being called “slut,” “whore,” or “easy.” This is slut shaming, which is intended to make someone feel bad about themselves for being sexually active and doing something enjoyable to them. But why should someone be insulted for being comfortable with their own body or for having sex?
In a study published by the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, women rated a women with 20 partners as less “competent, emotionally stable, warm, and dominant” than someone who has been with two partners. Being comfortable with your own body is a good thing and people can choose to use their bodies however they want. Why does someone’s sexual history matter when it comes to intelligence? It’s like saying that someone isn’t good at art because they’re skilled in math; there’s no connection to the subject of intelligence and sexual activity.
The culture of slut shaming even goes beyond someone’s sex life, with people commenting on the way someone acts, dresses, or carries themselves by calling them a slut without any knowledge of their sex life. Yet neither clothing nor attitude tells how many partners someone’s had. Often, someone calls a person a slut because of revealing clothing, a flirtatious personality, or a tight shirt. It’s terrible to judge someone so harshly just because of their appearance. So what if they have tight clothes? It’s their body and they have the right to dress how they want. Why does it matter what their personality is if they aren’t hurting anyone? The same goes for having many partners—if they’re both consenting, then it shouldn’t matter how many partners a person has had.
Sometimes, the media and people blame “slutty behavior” for rape or sexual harassment. The argument often used is, “They were asking for it by dressing/acting that way, they led them on!” Yet, that doesn’t make any unwanted sexual advance OKAY. Victim blaming is tied into rape culture, where people try to justify rape with slut shaming by saying it was the victim’s fault. But consent is consent, and it can’t be given by clothing, attitude, or past sexual activity. People shouldn’t shame the victim for something they didn’t cause. Would you blame a murder victim for being killed because “their clothes egged the murderer on?” That line of thinking is dangerous and it seeks to hurt those who haven’t done anything wrong. Yet that’s how some people try to justify rape. It needs to stop.
An important thing to recognize, is that it is usually female bodied, female identified, or feminine presenting people who are subjected to this kind of judgment, objectification, and violence. We do not determine a man's IQ by the amount of partners he has had or how much skin he shows. Instead, most male bodied people are rewarded for sexual promiscuity, whether it is consensual or not. It is female presenting people who are being the socially policed and punished for their appearance and behavior. Another sad fact is that it is often women and girls who are doing this policing and punishing. Having internalized these negative messages about their bodies and sexuality, many girls fall prey to shaming, bullying and socially ostracizing other girls based on their dress, sexual activity, and social reputation. Women are fighting against each other in an attempt to compete for male attention and societal approval. I know that I have definitely been guilty of this--calling other girls a "slut" or thinking of them as "slutty" because of what they are wearing or how they were acting. It makes me really sad to realize how much I have been participating in this horrible cycle of violence and oppression. Ladies we should be fighting with each other not against each other!
Fortunately there are some brave and informed people who have begun step up and advocate to change these backward messages. One event that is organized around this is the SlutWalk. This is an event that started in Canada and is now held across the U.S. to help raise awareness to this issue of emotional, sexual and physical violence and victim shaming. Teen Link was fortunate enough to have a booth at the Seattle Slutwalk this year, which happened this last Sunday, August 25th. We were able to hear all of the incredible speakers and watches the marchers rally. It was inspiring to see all of the people who showed up to help protest against the oppression faced by female presenting people, transgender women, queer people, and men who have encounter sexual violence. Together they created a united front, marching through Seattle in the hopes that others will see the importance of putting a stop to hatred against certain bodies, gender presentations, and female sexuality.
We, at Teen Link, recognize that many people have been affected by slut shaming and may be facing bullying or sexual assault as a result of all of this messed up stuff. We want you to know that you are not alone and that people do care. If you ever want someone to talk to Teen Link is open every night from 6-10pm. Teen Link is anonymous and confidential so you don't have to give us your name and can tell the phone workers only what you feel comfortable sharing. Also, it is answered by teenagers, so you will get to talk to someone who is close to your age and knows what it is like. Teen Link's number is 866TeenLink or 866-833-6546. We also have chat on Mondays, Tuesdays, and Thursdays which can be accessed on our website at www.866teenlink.org. You can find the chat icon in the bottom right hand corner. If our chat line is busy please give us a call. We do want to talk to you. You should never have to go through all of this alone.
In a study published by the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, women rated a women with 20 partners as less “competent, emotionally stable, warm, and dominant” than someone who has been with two partners. Being comfortable with your own body is a good thing and people can choose to use their bodies however they want. Why does someone’s sexual history matter when it comes to intelligence? It’s like saying that someone isn’t good at art because they’re skilled in math; there’s no connection to the subject of intelligence and sexual activity.
The culture of slut shaming even goes beyond someone’s sex life, with people commenting on the way someone acts, dresses, or carries themselves by calling them a slut without any knowledge of their sex life. Yet neither clothing nor attitude tells how many partners someone’s had. Often, someone calls a person a slut because of revealing clothing, a flirtatious personality, or a tight shirt. It’s terrible to judge someone so harshly just because of their appearance. So what if they have tight clothes? It’s their body and they have the right to dress how they want. Why does it matter what their personality is if they aren’t hurting anyone? The same goes for having many partners—if they’re both consenting, then it shouldn’t matter how many partners a person has had.
Sometimes, the media and people blame “slutty behavior” for rape or sexual harassment. The argument often used is, “They were asking for it by dressing/acting that way, they led them on!” Yet, that doesn’t make any unwanted sexual advance OKAY. Victim blaming is tied into rape culture, where people try to justify rape with slut shaming by saying it was the victim’s fault. But consent is consent, and it can’t be given by clothing, attitude, or past sexual activity. People shouldn’t shame the victim for something they didn’t cause. Would you blame a murder victim for being killed because “their clothes egged the murderer on?” That line of thinking is dangerous and it seeks to hurt those who haven’t done anything wrong. Yet that’s how some people try to justify rape. It needs to stop.
An important thing to recognize, is that it is usually female bodied, female identified, or feminine presenting people who are subjected to this kind of judgment, objectification, and violence. We do not determine a man's IQ by the amount of partners he has had or how much skin he shows. Instead, most male bodied people are rewarded for sexual promiscuity, whether it is consensual or not. It is female presenting people who are being the socially policed and punished for their appearance and behavior. Another sad fact is that it is often women and girls who are doing this policing and punishing. Having internalized these negative messages about their bodies and sexuality, many girls fall prey to shaming, bullying and socially ostracizing other girls based on their dress, sexual activity, and social reputation. Women are fighting against each other in an attempt to compete for male attention and societal approval. I know that I have definitely been guilty of this--calling other girls a "slut" or thinking of them as "slutty" because of what they are wearing or how they were acting. It makes me really sad to realize how much I have been participating in this horrible cycle of violence and oppression. Ladies we should be fighting with each other not against each other!
Fortunately there are some brave and informed people who have begun step up and advocate to change these backward messages. One event that is organized around this is the SlutWalk. This is an event that started in Canada and is now held across the U.S. to help raise awareness to this issue of emotional, sexual and physical violence and victim shaming. Teen Link was fortunate enough to have a booth at the Seattle Slutwalk this year, which happened this last Sunday, August 25th. We were able to hear all of the incredible speakers and watches the marchers rally. It was inspiring to see all of the people who showed up to help protest against the oppression faced by female presenting people, transgender women, queer people, and men who have encounter sexual violence. Together they created a united front, marching through Seattle in the hopes that others will see the importance of putting a stop to hatred against certain bodies, gender presentations, and female sexuality.
We, at Teen Link, recognize that many people have been affected by slut shaming and may be facing bullying or sexual assault as a result of all of this messed up stuff. We want you to know that you are not alone and that people do care. If you ever want someone to talk to Teen Link is open every night from 6-10pm. Teen Link is anonymous and confidential so you don't have to give us your name and can tell the phone workers only what you feel comfortable sharing. Also, it is answered by teenagers, so you will get to talk to someone who is close to your age and knows what it is like. Teen Link's number is 866TeenLink or 866-833-6546. We also have chat on Mondays, Tuesdays, and Thursdays which can be accessed on our website at www.866teenlink.org. You can find the chat icon in the bottom right hand corner. If our chat line is busy please give us a call. We do want to talk to you. You should never have to go through all of this alone.
No comments:
Post a Comment