"Your shirts too low."

My boyfriend raises his eyebrows at me, “That shirt is pretty low,” he says.

It was my shimmery gold shirt,

The one filled with little red triangles and intricate designs,

one of my favorites.

My boyfriend had commented on my shirt being "too low,"

or my pants being "too tight," before.

I laughed the first time he did it,

My mom did too when I told her the story.

“He’s so sweet and protective of you, honey,” she said.

I smiled back up at her, my mom the feminist.

It felt a bit ironic.

My mom, the feminist who thinks it’s cute that my boyfriend comments on my clothing when he isn’t in approval of it

He has the right to tell me if my shirt is too low because he is just being protective.

Protective of what?

Protective of other guys looking at my chest? Because that’s what my body is right? Something to be looked at.

An object that needs to be covered up in order to be taken care of. An object that’s only purpose is too be looked at.

So why for any reason would I wear a shirt that is a little lower than usual other than to objectify myself?

Maybe…

I just like the shirt.

I know my boyfriend was just being protective,

But why aren’t I protective of him in this way?

Maybe because masculinity, means me not questioning what guys wear.

But for girls, it seems to be the opposite.

Femininity is ironic,

it is sexy but innocent.

It is vulnerable.

And it must be protected.

And society has given men the job of protecting women’s bodies.

It’s not just my boyfriend who has commented on my clothing, my guy friends have too, and I see it happen to my other girl friends as well.

But what guys don’t realize

Is that their ‘protection’ of our bodies,

Takes away our right to them.

It takes away my right to wear whatever shirt I want.

Maybe because I feel beautiful it in.

Maybe because I feel strong in it.

Or maybe, I just really like its gold shimmery pattern that is filled with little red triangles. 

I am learning to be strong in my own body. To remember that it is my body and no one else's. I have the power to do whatever I want with my body and no one else can have that power over me. I am learning to love my body and respect my body. My body is what I see the world through and through which I interact with the world. 

If you are ever feeling like you are not in control of your body or struggling with valuing it, you can call Teen Link to talk it out. Just like you can call us for any other reason. We are an anonymous phone line for teens and answered by teens. The people on the line are there to listen—no matter how big or small the issue. Teen Link’s number is 1 (866) 833 – 6546. The line is open every night from 6 – 10 P.M. If you prefer to chat, visit www.866teenlink.org. Chat is available all week. 

And always remember, you are beautiful.

How To Fall In Love With Yourself: The Me Challenge

“Your task is not to seek for Love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” -Rumi

“You are fat”.

Three words that came out of nowhere. Three words that were said without an after-thought. Three words that had irreparable consequences on me.

From that day, I was haunted by those three words as they represented my biggest insecurity: my body.

Whenever I slipped on a pair of jeans I wondered if they made my bum look bigger. Whenever I slipped on a skirt I would always tug it down to cover my jiggly thighs.

“You are fat”.

Three words that made me love winter because summer meant shorts, dresses and bikinis.

Clothes that didn’t really work on my body.

Or at least that was what I thought until I learnt how to love the rolls of fat around my sides, how to love my legs, how to love my body and in essence how to love myself.

I know it sounds cheesy. Trust me, I have read all those blogs and magazines. I have heard all those inspirational speeches. I have scrolled through endless Tumblr and Instagram pages filled with motivational quotes. And I have thought to myself how useless they were because at the end of the day I was still “fat”.

But then I tried to follow some steps, to really learn to embrace myself, to let go of those petty criticisms and suddenly “you are fat” became meaningless to me. All the power those words held over me was suddenly lost and they returned to simply being three, small words.

So here is some advice that worked for me. That will work whether you are worried about your race, religion, sexual orientation, the acne on your face, your shyness (or in fact just about anything that can make you hate yourself).

1.    Don’t try to be Perfect

Perfection is an illusion and is unattainable. While you should always do your best, even if it is not “perfect” do not consider what you do a failure. As warm and fuzzy (and cliché) as it sounds perfection is just the way you are and the way you do things.

2.    Don’t compare yourself to others

Nothing good comes from comparing yourself to others. In fact studies show that through comparison, your self-esteem is lowered and therefore emotions like depression, envy and jealousy are more likely to develop. Instead of comparing yourself focus on your own strengths and realize that you are in fact awesome.

3.    Say “NO!”

If someone wants to do something you do not feel like doing: say no! You do not always need to agree with what other people want to do or ask you do to. Your friends will not hate you if you say “no” and if they do then that means they were not really your “true” friends. Do what you want to do- what you feel comfortable in doing. If you feel like you are doing something just to please someone, then you should not be doing it.

4.    Treat yourself like you treat others

The kindness, trust, love and appreciation you show toward your best friends and family should be the same kindness, trust, love and appreciation you show towards yourself. According to research presented in The New York Times, people who treat themselves like they treat others score higher on self-compassion tests in comparison to people who do not. This suggests that accepting our imperfections can be the first step to better health.

5.    Look at yourself in the mirror

This may sound silly to you but try to look at yourself in the mirror every day and admire yourself. Compliment yourself on how you look and give yourself time to take in all of you instead of always trying to hide who you are. By doing this you prevent the image created by others to manifest you. If you believe in yourself, the person in the mirror will believe in himself or herself.

Learning to love yourself is similar to learning to walk. We start by taking a couple of small steps and then we fall back down to the ground. But then we get back up because that moment when we were standing on our own two feet felt so incredible that you would be crazy not to want to experience it again. Once we get back up we learn to know ourselves and know our limits. When we finally learn to run, walking seems so easy. We realize that no greater power can be found than the power that we find in ourselves through loving, listening and respecting who we are.   

On the road of self-love we can encounter many bumps. In these moments

a friendly face or voice can always come in handy. Talk it out with someone you care about and who cares about you.

And remember organizations like Teen Link (866-833-6546) are always ready to lend a friendly ear.

So I challenge you to start showing some love to yourself and to realize that you are a very special human being. 

Teen and Pregnant- an Epidemic?

 So let's talk once again about everyone's favorite subject.....No, not Twilight....everyone's OTHER favorite subject: SEX! More specifically, what happens when birth control goes wrong?! That goes to say, birth control IS being used...right? Because if it isn't, read on! 

   

     

I've been watching MTV, in the middle of homework breaks (you know how that goes!), and have been very intrigued with the shows like "16 and Pregnant" and "Teen Mom." These shows, if you haven't been keeping up to date with what MTV deems as "cool" to put shows on the air, follow the lives of girls who are teen moms or are about to become moms. 

The shows cover how the girls deal with the news, their personal lives, education, family, friends, and the stresses of having to deal with the consequences of their actions. 

I was thinking to myself while watching:

• What do people think of these shows? 
• Are they advocating safe sex? Or perhaps glamorizing young pregnancy? 

A psychologist, Dr. Drew, appears on these shows to counsel these girls and at the same time promote safe sex. 

• Do you think the message is getting the point across by showing real life examples of the consequences of not using any form or birth control? 
• Do you think by putting so much emphasis on the lives of these girls that it really deters people from making bad choices?  

Sarah Palin's daugher was a prime example of teen pregnancy and now she is in the media promoting abstinence. She was interviewed (Watch it Here) and spoke about how she wants other to learn from her mistakes. The article says, "Palin Promoting Abstinence in New Campaign, 'Regardless of What I Did Personally.'"

My question for all these girls sharing the stories of their lives is do you think it will be really heard? People are saying how can someone like Bristol Palin who is a teen mom really promote abstinence when she, herself, did not follow her own advice? What do you all think? 

Since she has experienced the consequences do you think it now makes her a good role model and a warning all at the same time? 

I hope either the shows, or role models will have an effect on the teen pregnancy rates because they have gone up in both of the last two years. 

I guess TV is actually reflecting real lives for once, for the worse maybe? or for a chance to learn? You decide...

Teen Link