Mental Health: Two Sides of the Same Coin

     The swing set cast long shadows on the abandoned shovels scattered among the wood chips and shards of plastic. It seemed like any other ordinary day at recess: me and my best friend were playing witches just like always. But today a hazy cloud of anxiety floated above me, engulfing me. No matter how many deep breaths I took I could not shake it. The tears began to well up in my eyes, and just as we lined up at the wrought iron fence I broke down crying. I felt like a plastic mannequin on display as all the kids in my second grade class stared at me distantly and uncomfortably. For some reason I was convinced that my mom wasn't going to be there to pick me up from school, even though in my rational mind I knew that she would be there smiling and waiting for me promptly at 3:15, just like always.

     Every day for the rest of second grade I continued this routine. I was scared out of my mind, convinced my mom would leave me at those dreaded concrete stairs. Unbeknownst to me, this was the beginning of my struggle with a debilitating anxiety disorder. Just like everyone else, I got nervous about tests, first days of school, and going new places, but for me these things were much bigger and scarier. I was like a little kid afraid of the monsters under the bed while everyone was like an adult and knew they were just dust bunnies.

     In seventh grade this all came to a peak when my teacher shared extremely personal information about me with others. I became petrified of her - just the sight of her walking down the hallway was enough to bring me to tears. I sat in the principal's office every day, rocking back and forth and crying hysterically. The teachers hid me away, warning the kids not to go near me as if it was contagious or I was some sort of vermin. They never even phoned my parents to inform them of my violent anxiety attacks and vivid flashbacks. Looking back, I realize that if I had been suffering from anything else they would have told my parents, but because it was a mental health issue it wasn't treated with the same seriousness as a physical ailment would have been.

     After months of this same routine and days that seemed filled with nothing but tears and terrifying anxiety attacks, the principal finally informed my mom and I was enrolled in therapy. 
      I sat in the bleak and aesthetically unappealing waiting room, shaking slightly and utterly horrified by the thought of someone I knew seeing me there. Now when I sit in the waiting room I don't care who sees me or if the nurse calls my name too loudly, because honestly, it's nothing to be ashamed about.

     Therapy is a long and sometimes unrelenting process that constantly reminds me that for some reason I am meant to be here. It took copious amounts of time and sessions for me to face the monsters and to be able to see them as dust bunnies. Through this experience I have learned a lot about stigma and judgement. To be honest I don't blame the kids that ran away or the teachers that were too consumed by their own bias and stigma to fully understand the depth of the situation. Prior to this experience I too probably would have shared their judgements. Some people look at having a "disorder" as a negative thing. But that is only a social construct, and because our society perceives it that way. However, through this experience I have become a much more tolerant, self-aware, and accepting person. That is the silver lining in my dark cloud.

    This year I embarked on a six month long project about mental health in young people and have just recently completed it. I have also realized that I want to become a psychologist so that I can help people the same way that others helped me. Finally, I started a GSA in my school to help make it a more inclusive and tolerant place. I know what it's like to be stigmatized and treated like I'm contagious and I don't want others to feel that way. I spend much of my time volunteering for Teen Link, talking about mental health, and working to make my school community a better one. Now and again I still have anxiety over tests or new things, but I have come to realize that they are not big scary monsters, just dust bunnies that need to be swept away.

     If any of this sounds familiar to you Teen Link is a great resource if you want to talk about it. Teen Link is a anonymous, nonjudgmental and confidential helpline. It is run by teens for teens. It is open every night from six to ten or there is chatline if you don't feel comfortable talking about it over the phone. No problem is too big or too small. The number is (866) TEEN LINK  and the website is www.866TEENLINK.ORG

Poetry Therapy

Sample of Poetry Therapy

The Journey

by Mary Oliver

One day you finally knew

what you had to do, and began,

though the voices around you

kept shouting

their bad advice-

though the whole house

began to tremble

and you felt the old tug

at your ankles.

“Mend my life!”

each voice cried.

But you didn’t stop.

You knew what you had to do,

though the wind pried

with its stiff fingers

at the very foundations,

though their melancholy

was terrible.

It was already late

enough, and a wild night,

and the road full of fallen

branches and stones.

But little by little,

as you left their voices behind,

the stars began to burn

through the sheets of clouds,

and there was a new voice

which you slowly

recognized as your own,

that kept you company

as you strode deeper and deeper

into the world,

determined to do

the only thing you could do-

determined to save

the only life you could save.

Exercise:

Read the poem, “The Journey” by Mary Oliver a few times and let your mind be open to what comes up for you from your own life experience. 

After reading the poem, think back to any time in your life where you had a similar experience of knowing, “what you had to do;” when you allowed yourself to take a step, even though there were other voices shouting bad advice, and there were things blocking your road, and it was late enough, but you heard your voice and strove forward anyways. 

In your journal, describe this experience to me. This is a time when you listened to your own voice and marched through the darkness into the light.  It could be as simple as a change in a job, entering or leaving a relationship, or just one of those ideas that pushed you to a new beginning, and new clarity.  These are the stories of our voice.

Consider these details:

Where were you?

How old were you?

Who else was around you at that time?

Were there people giving you other advice?

What were the roadblocks in your way?

How did it feel to honor your voice and take that step?

This is an example of Poetry Therapy. Poetry opens emotional and intellectual doors for adolescents. The act of writing helps young people express thoughts that were previously bottled up inside. Poetry can also lend to artistic growth and deep expression of thoughts or feelings that one might not want to share with a friend, family member, or counselor. If talking to someone isn’t always an effective way to communicate internal conflicts, you may consider Poetry Therapy by answering probing questions or writing a story, diary entry, or poem. These exercises can lead to a deeper understanding of one’s conflicts, stresses, anxieties, or fears without sharing deep secrets with a listener. A piece of paper is nonjudgmental so don’t be afraid to express yourself.

If you are in need of support, Teen Link is an anonymous helpline run by teens from 6 PM-10 PM every night of the week that is here to talk. Feel free to call Teen Link at 1 (866) 833 – 6546. If Teen Link is not available to talk to you, you can also call the Crisis Link at (206) 461-3222. 

Teachers aren't paid to care

The average teenager goes to school about 40 hours a week. We carry our books and backpacks from class to class and listen to teachers talk at us for about 6 to 7 hours a day. They teach us about history, pre-calculus, the periodic table, and the hidden meanings buried in works of literature. But how often do they actually ask us how we are doing or how our day, week, life is going? If your teachers are anything like mine, your answer is probably “never” or “rarely.”

I get that their job is to teach us, but isn’t there more to teaching than lecturing and assigning homework…

Kids and teenagers are also not just students. We are a many parts of a complicated whole. We have feelings, thoughts, ideas, hardships, families, and lives outside of our text books and homework.

When I was younger I remember watching movies where teachers would change kids’ lives by just paying attention and engaging with their students on a real level. I believed these movies were real, because most of my elementary teachers actually did seem to care. Then I got to high school and I realized that these movie teachers did not exist. In real life, high school teachers aren’t paid to care.

At least that is what I thought until I actually had one who did.

My school has many electives, but one of the best ones we to offer is called Interpersonal Relationships. For the first time in my whole school career I felt like I belonged. A lot of that had to do with the teacher, because, for once, we didn't just have to sit and listen, we got to speak our minds. We were able to express how difficult life was for us without judgment. We talked about human issues--From communication, to mental health, to reproduction—and about how these issues applied in our own lives.

Have you ever been in a classroom with a teacher that actually made you feel wanted and important and loved? Cause that is exactly what this class was like. My teacher actually wanted to know what it was like for us and respected what we had to say. What a concept! An adult who actually wants to learn from a teenager and shows them respect.

I think our school system has forgotten that learning is more than just a test score. We all need someone to look up to and someone to be there for us. If more schools had classes  like interpersonal relationships I think students would be more engaged in the process of learning and have more motivation to actually show up to class. Classes like this offer teachers the chance to see their students as real people, instead of a name on a clip board.  

I will never forget what I learned from that class. I think more teachers and students need to experience a real connection to each other-- A space where we can meet eye to eye and understand where everyone is coming from. Growing up and life aren’t easy, no matter what someone’s age, gender, race, etc. More people need a crash course on being in someone else's shoes.

Classes like this should be more wide spread. We all deserve the chance to learn in a safe and supportive environment. We are not just a statistic. We are real people with real issues. Issues that a text book or a test is going to help us solve. We need teachers who care. We need school systems that care.

We have a lot to say, isn’t it time that adults in our lives started listening.

Coming to Terms with Counseling

The room has the conflicting aesthetic of a sterile professional space that someone has tried desperately to make homey. I am overly aware of how uncomfortably I’m sitting, but the couch rustles loudly every time I shift. I tell myself I shouldn’t be here, I don’t need this. But when I glance
at my little brother perched awkwardly on the couch beside me, I realize that this goes beyond me and my discomfort.

When my parents told me they were getting divorced, I went for a walk around my neighborhood and cried for fifteen minutes. I decided that when I reentered my house I would have come to terms with all my negative feeling and would be entirely able to deal with it. And for a while, that’s pretty much what I did: I mentioned my parents’ separation casually to friends and assured them I wasn’t upset, I told my parents I understood their decision and had no problem with it, I even convinced myself that the whole situation was hardly worth thinking about.

Because of my self-perceived fineness, I was indignant when my parents insisted that my brother and I see a therapist to process the separation and our newly-formed family dynamic. Though I had friends that saw therapists regularly and had no issue with counseling on an intellectual level, misguided pride kept telling me that talking about what was going on was admitting that there was a problem, and that it meant I couldn’t handle things on my own.

I maintained this stubborn perspective until I noticed the way my brother would glaze over when people asked him about the divorce, and his falsely-confident assurances that everything was alright. Finally I realized that by thinking of myself as somehow above therapy, all I was doing was buying into the destructive notion that asking for help and processing things on an emotional level somehow makes people inferior. Not only was this an unhealthy way for me to deal with what was happening, I was also enforcing for my brother the cultural notion that – especially with boys and masculine people – having  or acknowledging emotions is somehow correlated with weakness.

Now I am waiting with my brother for our new therapist to arrive, trying hard to fight my deep-seated discomfort with vulnerability and finally start to understand the strength that it takes to ask for help. Looking over at the pale, pimply 14 year old who people always say looks so much like me, I know that I have a responsibility to be the role model that shows my brother that being honest about feelings takes a lot more courage than clinging to “I can handle it.”

If you want to get in touch with a counseling service or talk to someone about anything going on in your life, Teen Link is a great place to start. You can call Teen Link at (866) 833-6546 any day from 6-10 pm or chat through www.866teenlink.org. 

The Epidemic of College Confidential

As a typical, angsty teenager hoping to get into a competitive school next year I spend a lot of my down time on College Confidential, an online counseling company that offers forums on topics like admission chances, standardized testing and school life. Yet, while the website claims to offer “counseling,” the website serves more like a gauge for the college admission stress level. The anonymous masses on College Confidential certainly did not invent the anxiety that comes with applying to college, but like a megaphone they amplify it 24 hours a day.

What started out as a wonderful idea- a website offering free advice and guidance to high schoolers around the world- has turned into a website where in moderated discussions strangers belittle each other, put into question the intelligence of individuals and judge each other based on the schools they get accepted into.

A home of rampant bragging, after five minutes of reading, College Confidential will leave you feeling completely insufficient. After all, on College Confidential you will find someone who not only has 20 APs, a 4.0 GPA, a 2600 on the SAT, but who has also ended world hunger over summer break.

Despite my objections to College Confidential, there is a lot of value to the site. Apart from the discussion forums the rest of the site offers a lot of advice for the college search. Sections like “Ask the Dean,” where professionals in the field are responding to frequently asked questions, are a great resource to understanding the long and complicated college process. There is also a substantial collection of helpful articles on subjects like paying for college and student life.

So my advice to you is to stray away from the College Discussion Forums. But if you absolutely cannot resist the temptation of scrolling through them, wear your thickest skin as chances are only about 1% of the people posting on the website are telling the truth. Do not listen to the posts that discourage you from applying to certain schools. And if you will be going to what is classified as a “crap school” on College Confidential, be proud because you have risen above hooked masses that only live for name and rank.

Make your own decisions and speak with the real college guru- your guidance counselor. You’ll be amazed by how helpful they can be.

If you ever feel like you are being made feel small, ridiculed or cyber-bullied, Teen Link is ready to help. You can call (866) 833- 6546 any day from 6-10 pm or chat through www.866teenlink.org